Toilet Rolls

Imagine with me if you would. You’re at a posh party, it’s at the home of your boss’s boss, you’re stepping up in the business and this is your opportunity. You’ve worked really hard, for a long time. You’ve behaved yourself, you’ve been pleasant to everyone you should be pleasant to, you’ve helped people outside of your area of responsibility. You’re well regarded in the office and you know that you’re set for promotion. It’s fantastic, your partner is delighted, you’re going to be able to get that Porsche you’ve dreamed of having and can take two weeks in that fabulous resort in Thailand, staying in one of the pool villas no less!

You’ve interacted with several members of the executive level and met a couple of Board members, and they have all enjoyed meeting you and without fail, every one of them commented that they had heard about the good work you’ve done. You’ve shared some hors d’oeuvres and had several drinks, but not to many, you’re keeping it together ion purpose as you do not want to embarrass yourself.

Now you get that rumbling in your stomach, not the sort you get when you’re hungry but that rumbling with stabbing pains that signal an emergency shit is on the way, and it’s not far away. You know from experience that you best make your way to the toilet immediately, let it loose and then you can return to the party feeling far more comfortable. So off you go, arrive at the toilet, it’s free, it’s very clean inside (thank god, because you hate using any toilet other than your own), so you sit down and commence.

You try to keep it quiet because you can hear people moving up and down the corridor outside, but there’s no use (after all, they don’t call them emergency shits for no reason), you abandon yourself to the natural process and hope no one will see you exit.

After several waves of agonizing pain and resultant explosions you’re confident it’s finished so it’s time to commence the wipe sequence, and then you realise there is no toilet paper. Just pause now to feel the terror. There’s got to be some behind the bowl, you look, but there’s not. You lean over, trying not to remove your bum from the seat and open the little cupboard underneath the sink, there’s bound to be some spare rolls in there right? No, nothing, not even a hand towel is hanging next to the sink because your boss’s boss has installed a cool air hand dryer in his guest bathroom.

So, you’ve painted the bowl ad there’s been splash-back onto your bum cheeks. Can you call out to someone for help? What if it’s one of the Board members? Regardless of who it is they’re probably going to have to find your boss’s boss and get him to grab some spare toilet rolls for you. Who ever helps you is going to have to open the door and hand the roll to you, so they’re going to get a wiff of the staggering stench that goes hand in hand with an emergency shit. You know it’s not a “no wipe”, you know your underwear will be insufficient to clean up the devastation. You’re screwed, so start off with a meek “hello, could someone please help me please” and just hope you get one of the catering staff walking by. But you know you won’t.

This is better than nothing!

You’d be panic stricken wouldn’t you? Don’t do this to people! Honestly, how hard is it to be considerate enough to your family and fiends and other guests to have ample spare toilet rolls easily available in your bathroom and toilet. In the image to the right you can see one person who keeps a twelve pack as backup and has supplemented this with a four pack. It doesn’t look terribly good, I’ll admit that, but I’d rather be a guest and face this than to face having to call out for paper!

You have the option, see the next image below, of making a brilliant and interesting artwork from your spare toilet roll supply. I’ve seen some brilliant pieces. You get yourself a couple of twelve packs and you can make some magnificent structures that will not only make sure your guests do not face any embarrassment but they’ll probably be impressed with your work!

This Is An Artistic Backup Option!

So, don’t shit me people, go and put some spare toilet paper in every toilet and bathroom you have, right now. If you’re at work, make sure there are spares in the office toilets. If necessary, include a box of tissues in every toilet as they will do fine as backup. Just as you wouldn’t like it to happen to you, make sure you don’t put someone in that position.

Imagine how you’d feel if the above scenario played out at your house and it was your boss’s boss in you toilet having to call you for a toilet roll!

Be Thoughtful,

Don

PS I checked online for toilet roll supplies and you can get a 48 roll pack! You can probably even get bigger packs, perhaps even a pallet. So, you could build an igloo for your toddler, cool! Send your picks in if you do this.